I Can

By Sarah Lee

I can't really say this is a story, and I know this is far from a poem.
But I  think that maybe, just maybe, someone will hear and can help someone they love.

I am 18 years old and I have been "suicide free" for 3 years.  For a long  time I was hurting and I didn't know who or where I could turn.  It seemed  that the people I loved most were the ones to hurt me more or all the time.  I  had thought about how I would kill myself, what I  would use, how would it be the fastest.  I never thought that anyone would miss me.  I always thought  that everyone would be better off if I were gone.  Mom and Dad wouldn't have  to support me anymore and they would be out of financial problems.  I know  now, that if I had succeeded, I would have hurt all the people that I love  more than anything.

To me, suicide was a way to get rid of all the pain I was feeling and  finally be happy.  I would have also been dead and not able to enjoy being  happy.  I look back on all the things I thought was worth taking my life over,  a boyfriend, a best-friend, school, my parents divorce, ect.  But now I see  that they weren't my fault and they definitely weren't worth killing myself  over.

It took a lot of pain to get me to where I was "finally" going  to do it.  I had planned it out to where it was "perfect", at least in my eyes it was.   Thank God for Jenni!!!  She loved me so much she didn't want to lose a friend.  I got the help I needed and I was shown that I was loved.

I guess the reason I am writing this is to try and help maybe just one person from destroying the one thing that should be the most precious to  them: their life.  Even though there are things that hurt you, there are  things to look forward to.  No matter how small they are.  When you feel sad  and down and at the verge of suicide, call someone.  ANYONE!!  Just don't lose  hope.  Someone loves you, even if you think the world is against you.

- - - Sarah Lee - - -

©Copyright Sarah Lee, 1 November 1998