How I Deal

By Jinx, 16, KS

I remember that day in clips, in snapshots. They go through my head like a soundless movie. That day in the hallway I had found part of a LIVESTRONG bracelet that someone had snapped off. All that was left was the LIVESTRONG. Thinking nothing of it, I shoved it in my jeans pocket.
After school, I headed to my therapist appointment. Then, I was given some news that would shake me for weeks to come. I am bipolar. This may not seem like a death sentence to you. You may say "It could be worse" or "It could be cancer" but to me, it is a death sentence. The entire time he was telling me I was bipolar, I was gripping the LIVESTRONG bracelet. I was thinking that I needed to be strong, I needed to keep going.

Bipolar is a chemical inbalance in your brain that causes you to have mood swings that can be really bad. I'll be crying and then for no reason I'll feel happy. This disease will never go away. Medicine can treat it, but I will have it until I die. I feel broken, I feel like I did something wrong. I have lost people, I have grieved their losses, but now, I am doing a different kind of grieving. I am grieving for myself. I have lost a part of me I will never have back. The innocent part, the naive part. Doesn't matter that I've been on the same medicine for nearly four months, I am depressed most of the time. Some days, it takes all my energy to get out of bed. Little things can upset me and send me into tears. I get very easily frustrated and upset. It's not a fun way to live. So if you know someone who is bipolar, be understanding, especially if they have just found out. It is just like finding out that you have any other illness like asthma or diabetes, except this is worse. I have asthma, and no one gives me trouble about that. People aren't accepting of mental illnesses. It seems I'm never going to be accepted.